|
|
|
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in the
blue states
&
us blue state citizens
stuck in
reds states
so we're seceding from the
United State of Texas,
to restore the original democracy of the
United States
Of
AMERICA as
best we can repair it.
California will now be its own country, which will include
every blue state
plus every isolated
blue county
stuck in
red states.
It'll be like Capitalist West Berlin in Communist East Germany during the
Cold War. In case you are not aware, that includes
Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois,
many
patches of
Missouri, Ohio, Florida,
even
several TEXAS counties,
New Mexico, Nevada
and
Iowa &
all of the North East.
We spoke to God & she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody & especially to us in the
new country of California.
In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country
at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know
they need to be back in their states by then. So you get
Texas! And
all the former slave states.
We get the Governator, stem cell research & the best beaches. We
get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep
Martha Stewart, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of
Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel & Microsoft.
You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Old Miss'.
We get Silicon Valley, Stanford University, MIT, etc., 85% of America's
venture capital & entrepreneurs. You get all the technological
innovation in Alabama & Mississippi. You get Wal-mart. We
get Safeway. (BTW, we'll be closing ALL Wal-marts in the
blue states
& replacing them with Asian & Middle Eastern grocery stores) You
get McDonald's. We get Subway. We'll be closing down
ALL McDonald's & replacing them with Thai & Vegetarian restaurants.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue & you get to make the
red states
pay their fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than
the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You
get a bunch of single moms to support & we know how much you like that.
Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But
heck, the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big
Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving
California
wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French
wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts. Just so we're clear, the
country of California
will be Pro-Choice & Anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to
want all
blue states citizens
back from Iraq. They'll be happy to be our new army led by
General Wesley Clark, to fight with us in our
New American Revolutionary War
against Anglo-British Elitist American Tyranny, just like how Colonel George
Washington was happy to lead our rebel American armies as General after he
and his troops returned demoralized, beaten, starved, exhausted and
frustrated fighting in the French Indian War in the 1760s. If you need people to fight, just ask your
evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to
their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if
you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years & we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.
Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
|
Aired 03/2001
- "Lone Gunmen" (X-Files spin-off TV show) Pilot Episode- "Our Government's Going To Crash Planes Into WTC!" |
